WTF Tapas

I recently posted about Sally’s trouble with the letter “s.” She replaces it with a hard “g.” She likes “g” so much that she actually uses it to replace many letters with haphazard abandon. The other day she said:

“Remember that book about the guck that got guck in the gicky, gicky gomp?” 

I happen to be fluent in Genglish and was able to translate this to: “Remember the book about the duck that got stuck in the sticky, sticky swamp?”

At least that’s what I think she said.

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We recently had a party where Luke struggled to handle the challenging situation of having to share his friend with another friend. By “struggled to handle” I mean that he acted like a total jerk, most of the time anyway. At one point, he really did try to get everyone to play together. This is when I overheard him say:

“That’s why we’re called ‘Conversation Super Heroes!’ So we can conversation it out.”

Awwww…

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I use random animals (monkey, rabbit, turtle dove, etc) as terms of endearment for my kids. (I also use strange foods like ‘pickle’ and random objects like ‘pine cone.’) Sally usually explains why she’s not whatever animal or object I’ve called her. From today:

me: Sally, do you know how special you are to me?

Sally: Gilly Mommy! I am not ‘pecial. I don’t even have a tail!

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“I think a miracle is upon us! Dontcha think? Dontcha think a miracle is upon us?” 

Ever since Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza, when Luke must have learned this phrase in school, he says it whenever something coincidental, good, or surprising happens.

Examples:

me: Oh good, we already had parsley in the fridge. I forgot to buy it at the market.

Luke: I think a miracle is upon us! Dontcha think? Dontcha think a miracle is upon us?

or:

Luke: Look! I wanted to watch “Peter Pan” and I opened the thing and “Peter Pan” was already in there! I think a miracle is upon us! Dontcha think? Dontcha think a miracle is upon us?

or:

Sally: Will you ging me a gong? No. Will you ssssing me a ssssong?

Luke: Good job, Sally! I think a miracle is upon us! Dontcha think? Dontcha think a miracle is upon us?

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For more WTF Tapas, click the badge: WTF TAPAS

 

 

WTF Tapas

WTF Tapas is a series I write of bite-sized morsels from the WTF household.

 

Something I never thought I’d have occasion to say about crackers:

“Don’t scratch that with a cracker!”

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At what point can I expect my daughter to realize there’s liquid in her glass? With disturbing regularity, she takes a sip then decides to look at the bottom of her cup, holding it up and turning it sideways. Can’t help but think that this girl is not a genius.

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Luke walks into the kitchen and opens the oven door:

me: NO!! Never open an oven, Luke!

Luke: Why? It wasn’t on.

me: This time it wasn’t. But it could have been. You wouldn’t know if it was on.

Luke: Yes I would. You weren’t cooking anything.

me: You don’t always know if I’m cooking. The oven could be on and you wouldn’t know about it.

Luke: Yes I would. I know when you’re cooking. You’re cooking when we say, “I’m huuuuungry!” and then you yell, “Hold your horses! I’m cooking dinner!”

Can’t argue with that.

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Conversation in the car on the way home from karate, where Luke saw his 10-year-old crush “E”.

Luke: Do you really have to ask someone?

me: Ask someone what?

Luke: To marry you.

me: Yes. Someone has to ask. Daddy asked me.

Luke: (groaning) But I’m too embarrassed to ask.

me: That’s OK. You’re too young to ask anyway. When you’re older you won’t be as embarrassed.

Luke: Can you just ask her for me?

me: No, honey. Girls don’t want to marry boys whose mommies ask for them.

A few minutes of silence….

Luke: Mommy, can a person have two daddies?

me: Yes, of course. There are all kinds of families. Two daddies, two mommies, one of each, just one parent…

Luke: No, I mean a mommy and two daddies.

me: Hmm, I guess that can happen too. Sometimes a mommy might get married again.

(Please don’t ask about divorce or dying daddies…)

Luke: Good. You said that when I’m grown up I might meet E again. If she’s already married I’m still going to ask her to marry me anyway.

 

For more Tapas you can go here. For more of Luke’s general ridiculousness you can go here.

WTF Tapas

It’s been ages since I’ve posted a WTF Tapas. Here are a few recent bite-sized morsels from the WTF household:

It’s like Luke read a manual about how to be a boy and Sally read the corresponding girl manual. The other night, while Luke was outside hitting a newly fallen tree with a baseball bat, an occupation that kept him busy for over an hour*, Sally put an empty box of spaghetti to sleep on the floor of the bathroom. Yes, a box of spaghetti. She lovingly tucked it in with a dishtowel blanket and a dollhouse TV for a pillow, sang it a lullaby, and quietly closed the door.

* !!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wearing a Darth Vader mask and wielding his light saber, Luke somberly says, “Hi, Luke. I’m your daddy.”

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Conversation between Tim and Luke while outside playing basketball:

Tim: There’s a fun game we can play called HORSE. Want to play?

Luke: No. Let’s play lion instead! You shoot the ball and I’ll be a lion trying to kill you.

They did in fact play lion and it’s now a household favorite.

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Luke to Tim: Do you stay home tomorrow?

Tim: Yes, tomorrow’s Saturday.

Luke: Great because I have a plan! You can choose: build a fort or sword fighting all day.

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Upon my arrival downstairs this past Saturday morning after “sleeping in”:

Luke: Noooooo! Not Mommy!

Tim: Don’t worry. She’s going to the gym.

me: Good morning. I’m happy to see you too. (Promptly leaves for gym with no guilt WHATSOEVER over abandoning Tim with horrible children.)

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For more Tapas you can go here. For more of Luke’s general ridiculousness you can go here.