Tag Archives: funny

S-isms Solved

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You guys are getting better at decoding S! Many of you got the song (#3) and a few also got #’s 1, 5 and 6. I figured out what #2 is!! She said it again yesterday. None of you were close.

  1. Gop!
    • Stop! This she says with conviction while holding her hand up in front of her like a traffic cop or a Supreme.
  2. Gatka da yee-ess gor off?
    • This is the one that was a mystery to even me. When she originally said it I knew what she meant and wrote it down without translation. When I went back to post it, the meaning was lost to me. Until she said it again yesterday. A discarded toy did that thing that toys do – it made a noise after 3 minutes or so to see if it could lure a child back to its noisy side. The toy in question was L’s Leapster, which both my kids call a DS. S was asking if that sound was the DS turning off. “That sound the DS turn off?”
  3. We bik dee gitty oh walkie woal. 
    • We built this city on rock and roll!
  4. Ging eekie eekie gong. 
    • Sing Twinkle Twinkle song. We sing this together every night. S’s version is: Eekie, eekie, eekie tar. How wa wa wa wa wa are. Uppa Uppa kie so high. Like a eekie in da kie. Eekie, eekie, eekie tar. How wa wa wa wa wa are. 
  5. Me go how put gope on.
    • Me know how to put soap on.
  6. It’s too gunny ow guys.
    • It’s too sunny outside.

S-isms

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Do you know WTF my 2-year-old is saying?

  1. Gop!
  2. Gatka da yee-ess gor off?*
  3. We bik dee gitty oh walkie woal. (Hint: this one is sung, not said.)
  4. Ging eekie eekie gong. (No, I’m not kidding.)
  5. Me go how put gope on.
  6. It’s too gunny ow guys.

*I’ve been writing these down as they happen. This one I didn’t translate at the time and now I can’t for the life of me figure out what it means.

 

WTF Tapas

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L to T in the other room:

“Can you call someone to see about getting me a Batmobile?”

What in his life experience so far leads him to believe that T or I have people to call about things like this?

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Having a conversation with S is an exercise in madness. Between trying to figure out wtf she’s saying and the fact that her brain does not work in a linear fashion like mine does, we go around in inane circles that make my head hurt. This is an example of a conversation I’ve had in the car with her on multiple occasions:

S: Etend dis is a bus. (sic) (Pretend this is a bus.)
me: OK.
S: Mommy?
me: Yeah?
S: No! You not my mommy! You da bus diver. (sic)
me: Right. Sorry.
S: Mommy?
me: I’m not your mommy. I’m the bus driver.
S: Etend you’re my mommy now. (sic)
me: Uh, OK.
S: Mommy?
me: Yes?
S: Nooooo! You da bus diver!
me: I’m pretending to be the bus driver pretending to be your mommy. This is getting confusing.
S: Why?
me: No more talking on the bus!

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L on Saturday, trying his best to behave during our enforced quiet time*:

“If I don’t say anything, can I please run around and around like a crazy person?”

*There was to be no talking for any reason. This just killed L. Asking him to play quietly and by himself for a designated period of time is about as effective as asking him to stop breathing.

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Vlog Happens

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Inspired by the brave and funny Iris over at The Bearded Iris, I decided to go ahead and try my first vlog. I’ve been meaning to do it for a while now, but was put off by my husband telling me that I look stupid/crazy and not funny. I say, no! I am funny, not crazy! Which, of course, is exactly what a crazy person would say. Anyway, without further ado, I give you my first vlog:

So, what’s the verdict? Stick to my day job?

 

S-isms Solved

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OK, so here’s the answer key. There were a lot of creative answers and a couple of you got some right. Everyone was stumped by the first and last ones though.

Me eek keys in the boo-koo-montney?

“Me eat cheese in the supermarket?” Can’t go to the market without stopping by the deli for a slice of cheese. Luckily, even if I’m not buying cheese the folks at the deli counter are always willing to give S a slice. Try to get the girl to eat a slice of cheese at home? She’ll have none of it.

Me want more bup in my cup!

“Me want more milk in my cup!” Bup has always been her word for milk. I tried to teach her to say it correctly by having her copy me saying “mmmmm” and then “mmmmm-milk.” But she says “mmmmmm-bup.” Oh well.

Me all done beeking!

“Me all done sleeping!” Naturally, beeking = sleeping. She shouts this over and over again when she wakes up.

(singing) Cakey car ish kittniss!

This one is S singing along to the radio, and I had the pleasure of hearing it for the entire length of a song, and most of the rest of the day. “Taking care of business!” You would have known it if you heard it because girl’s got rhythm.

This was fun. I might add S-isms as a regular feature along with my WTF Tapas. What do you think?

S-isms

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Some kids are great verbalists. Not mine. L couldn’t pronounce his own (totally uncomplicated) name until he was well over 3, and he still erroneously begins words with the letter B (“becited”), and mispronounces several words like “hostible” and “resternaut.” I love these mispronunciations and am probably doing the exact wrong thing by not correcting them.

At 2, S is a chatterbox. She almost never stops talking and almost none of what she says is remotely understandable. I get about 70% of what she says. Luckily, L understands more like 85% and often acts as translator. When neither of us is around, she’s probably constantly frustrated and misunderstood. With good reason. Here are a few gems that she said just yesterday:

Me eek keys in the boo-koo-montney?

Me want more bup in my cup!

Me all done beeking!

(singing) Cakey car ish kittniss!

Any idea what she’s talking about? I actually was able to understand all of them. There was plenty she said that I couldn’t understand but I thought it might be fun to put these out there and hear your guesses. I’ll translate tomorrow.

Stranger in the House

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When did I become a cliché? At what point was this whole motherhood script put into my brain? Do they pump out some subliminal messaging through PBS cartoons? Is it in the air in Target? Is there some secret coating on Goldfish packages that slowly changes a woman’s brain chemistry to go from typically saying sarcastic quips to things like, DO I NEED TO PULL THIS CAR OVER?!

Sometimes I take a step back and don’t recognize myself. Physically, I’m certainly not the same girl I once was. Weight issues aside, I’m dressed head to toe in clothes exclusively from Old Navy, Target, Marshalls, TJMaxx, and, if I’m lucky, Kohl’s. Long gone are my cute outfits from Banana Republic, Tahari, or anything resembling a boutique. My hair used to be styled, put together, cute, sort of healthy looking. Now I’m limp and bedraggled. Regular manis and pedis have given way to chewed nails, torn cuticles, and sad, ugly feet. Youthful glow replaced by adult onset acne. Cute pumps? Try clogs. My fitted purple vintage overcoat? That would be replaced by grey polar fleece. And that’s all just the superficial stuff. I’m unrecognizable to the core, People!

Today I got so fed up with my kids constantly complaining of boredom. I heard words come out of my mouth that some other mom* would say, not me. I told my kids if they were so bored they could occupy themselves by packing up all their toys to give to less fortunate children who would “only be too happy to have them.” I sent them away from me with the instruction that “I better not hear any fighting or the word ‘bored’ or else!”

*No doubt this “other mom” would be dressed in clogs, ill-fitting jeans and fleece, with wimpy hair somewhere between wavy and frizzy, and adult onset acne.

These aren’t natural things for me to say. Well, they are now. But what happened to put these words into my mouth? Is it really just par for the course that parents turn into entirely different people? At some point, when the kids are older and my life isn’t quite as consumed with every detail of their lives, will my old self re-emerge? Will I ever be the funny girl in the room again, or am I doomed to a lifetime of stereotypical motherly and wifely nagging and nothing else to say? (Oh, yeah, I nag too.)

Note from editor (me): I am fully aware that I am seeing my former self through rose-colored glasses. I picture myself in only my very favorite cute outfits, constantly funny, happy, and the life of the party. This is certainly not accurate or true to life, but caused by the same failure of memory which will one day make me feel nostalgia and longing for these days.

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WTF Tapas Holiday Edition

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Listening to a commercial for Rosetta Stone:

me to T: We should learn a language. That would be fun.

T: No it wouldn’t.

L: I want to learn a language! Can I?

me: Sure, what language do you want to learn?

L: Italian Restaurant.

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Looking at the NORAD live Santa tracker on Christmas Eve:

me: “Oh, he’s in Africa. His next stop is The Democratic Republic of Congo.”
L: “S! Santa’s really close! His next stop is the Democrafic Beploc of Bongo! He’s close! He’s close!”

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On all the days leading up to Christmas:

me: S, who’s going to come on Christmas if you’re a good girl?

S: Frosty the Snowman!

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L, finally going to sleep on Christmas day: “Mommy, tomorrow can we do the same exact thing we did today?”

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WTF Tapas

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L as he darts upstairs pushing past his sister: “Whoever gets there first gets to eat a rotten egg!”

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In the car, listening to Christmas music:

L: I don’t like this song.
me: Why not?
L: Because it has bad words in it.
me: What? No it doesn’t.
L: Yes it does! It keeps saying “Jesus Christ.”
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I love when I find out something new and funny that my kids do or think. Here’s one from a recent conversation with L:

L: Mommy, my gum hurts.

me: Really? Maybe you have popcorn or something stuck in there. Try brushing your teeth.

L: No, not those gums! This one!

 

He holds his thumb out to me and shows me his nail and torn cuticle. L thinks his cuticles are called gums! I stifled my laughter and ran to the computer before I forgot.

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Conversation from the car yesterday:

L: Mommy, can we do that thing with the crayons that we did a long time ago?

me: what thing?

L: When we looked for those special crayons.

me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

L: Remember? Me, you and Daddy looked for crayons. It was a long time ago. Maybe before S was even born. We looked for crayons in the trees.

This is where I figured out what he was talking about. Any guesses?

He was remembering a hike from when I was early in my pregnancy with S (over 2.5 years ago!). L was getting bored and restless with hiking so we gave him a job – to look for the markers on the trees denoting the trail.

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