About me

Allison Hart I’m Allison Hart.

Before we get started, I feel the need to tell you right up front that I love my children. Yes,  it’s true that I love them best when they’re sleeping, but nonetheless I love them, despite anything that I might say here, and I feel that it’s important that you know that from the beginning.

Now, to the meat of the matter: I’ve learned that motherhood is a series of shocks and disappointments, disgusting things under my fingernails, horrifying smells and constant irritation. There’s all the joy too, but that’s the stuff you’ve already heard about. Here’s the stuff that you won’t hear about because other moms might think you’d think they don’t love their kids enough, but I started with that, so I’m off the hook and will tell it like it is.

I’m a writer who works from home while trying to parent 7-year-old Luke and 5-year-old Sally. I’m married to Tim, who is silly because he’s from New Zealand. So far, we’re all surviving. We have good days and bad, but most are a mix of the two. I hope I can provide a few laughs as I trip my way along the road of motherhood. My kids are teaching me how to be a mom when I’m supposed to be teaching them. Truly, I have no idea what I’m doing.

I am the mom who makes you feel better about your parenting. 

You can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

My work can be found in the hilarious anthologies You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth, and I Just Want to be Alone.

Books

Assorted and random things about me:

  1. I’m 38;
  2. I’ve been married to Tim for 11 years;
  3. Before kids (BK), I traveled the world, held many assorted jobs, and lived in some fabulous places;
  4. A good friend of mine once told me, “Allison, you’re so smart and you hide it so well!”
  5. I think I’m funny. Sorry if you don’t;
  6. My favorite foods are sushi and maple sugar candy. Not together. Oh, and wine. Is wine a food?
  7. I think my kids are an endless source of amusement and misery. Often at the same time;
  8. I welcome comments. If you’re really mean, I might delete it. If you’re really mean but I think you’re funny, I might keep it;
  9. I promise to read every single comment. I can’t always reply, but it’s not because I don’t value the comments. I really do! It’s because sometimes I have to parent my kids;
  10. I am extremely sarcastic. If something I say here shocks you, chances are I’m joking.

So, that’s me. Thank you for visiting! Check out some of my popular posts to get a sense of what I’m all about.

 

132 thoughts on “About me

  1. Wow – you said it perfectly!!! I love the fact that you are off the hook and able to put it out there. At about 3 pm, I start asking myself if it’s too early to open a bottle of wine. That about sums it up. Thanks for the humor of your site – it’s exactly what I needed!

    • I’m glad you like it! I often have a glass of wine at exactly 5:00. It’s one of the first things T says when he comes home from work. “Hi, how are you? Have you had a glass of wine?”

    • Love your blog. Also love the picture of your two kids, i saw that and thought of my two boys when they meet for the first time. The same reaction! Brought a smile to my face.

  2. AWESOME! I just sat and read through everything on this site, even though there are literally 3 loads of unfolded cold laundry from yesterday on my bed waiting for me. I laughed so hard I had tears and stomach cramps…thank you. I stay at home with my three boys (7, 4 and 3) and can understand the appeal of alcoholism if there is such a thing. Love it!

    • I literally laughed out loud at the title alone…I love it and can relate being a single mother of 3; my Twin 16-year old Teenage boys are driving me crazy! I’ve heard the “you’ll get through it…its the ‘teenage years’” and “they’ll be fine,they’ll come around.” Right! They looked bewildered last night when I (in the midst of conversation) started doing Sun Salutations combined with Ujayii (deep “oceanic” diaphragmatic breathing) to get through the conversation/debate!!!!

      Love your blog!! One Love, Ria

  3. Same here, same here. I have just had enough – my kids (nearly 4 and 15mths) are beautiful but looking after them full time is not……

  4. You told me about your blog this morning on YBM – a post about pita 3yo boys…
    I’ve only read you’re “about me” page, but so far I’m loving it! SOunds exactly like me, masters I don’t use, somewhat reluctant sahm…
    Can’t wait to read more!

    • I’m glad you checked it out. I don’t normally post about it there but it sounded like you were dealing with a 3 year old like mine. I hope you do like the blog! The older posts are maybe a bit happier and funnier since the last few weeks have been particularly frustrating with L.

  5. Wow – I just googled “I am a terrible mom” and this came up. It’s refreshing to know that you are honest about the frustration that is a 3 year old boy. I also have a baby daughter that is almost an angel from heaven. As I type, I am ignoring him in an effort to teach him a lesson on listening to mommy. I haven’t read through all the posts but I will, at least to feel somewhat comforted that I am not the only one that experiences the paradox of loving these people we made but also wishing daily, that I could run away.

    • You’re so not alone in that! That’s one of the major things I’ve learned since starting this blog. I’m not the only one. Happy you found the blog. I hope it does help to know that you’re not the only one!

  6. Where have you been all my life? About peed my pants skimming through a few posts.

    I hate when people say “I can’t even remember my life before I had kids!” Well, I can. I remember it clearly, and it was fantastic. Somehow I decided to go and have babies…on purpose. WTF? Thank you for the outlet, and making me feel better about myself. :) Love it! I will be following.

  7. MAPLE CANDY ROCKS MY WORLD! I make my mom send it to me for my birthday every year. I would honestly sell my sould for a monthly maple dealer arrangement.

  8. Thank you for your witty insight that just brightened my day. I look forward to following your blog.

  9. I just found your blog today and I looooooove it. I know I’m drooling, but truly I have found a solemate (I usually feel like a heel). I love my daughter and family, however I’m so happy to go to work everyday. I have my breakfast only at my desk in the office and not at the breakfast table at home (what does that say about me as a mom!).

    Maybe you should read my first post, it’s kind of similar, though not as well written: http://morethanjustmummy.blogspot.com/2010/04/im-working-mummy.html

    Hope I didn’t scare you off, it just feels so good to connect.

  10. Hi! I just discovered your blog–love the title–through your comment on Suburban Snapshots. I’m excited to check it out because I, too, am 34, have been married 7 years, and have a 3-year-old. (I just have the one child, though, and I currently work out of the home.)

  11. Allison,

    I just have to say that I LOVE the photo of your two kids both crying at the same time. I have to admit that I laughed hard when I realized what they were doing in the photo. I have 2 daughters – 2 and 14 months old and when that happens (they’re both crying at the same time), sometimes I just have to laugh. Seriously, not the best reaction a parent can give (and I’m not proud of it), but sometimes, that’s the only ‘positive’ outlet a parent can have (at that exact point in time). When they’re both going at the same time (usually when we sit down to eat dinner), sometimes my husband and I just look at each other and chuckle. We often think, wow, no other adult would believe the situation if we described it to them in words. Without laughter, things can get pretty intense.

    Thanks for the humor…nice to know we’re not alone. ;)

    Congrats on FB today! -Heather

  12. Allison,

    Good luck! WOW! Three year old boy & 1 year old girl. Yeah, that’s about the same spread in age of my two oldest. My youngest is 12 years younger than my oldest. (what was I thinking?!?!?)

    I could tell you stories, but oh why ruin a great day! (wait till they hit puberty, you’ll really find out how worthless that master’s degree is!)

    But, I do have my revenge…err… reward: grandchildren!

    Spoil them & give them back, that’s my motto!

    I look forward to your blogs & my glass of wine!

    S

  13. Allison,

    What a funny blog and I am so happy you made it to freshly pressed!

    I laughed reading about your husband and children being simply an letter per his request. I am blogging for one year on trying to take my Jesus lovin’ life outside the confines of church. Anyhow, my hubby is the quintessential privacy policeman so we also use initials and I blog under an alias. Though I am eternally flattered with his assessment that I will become wildly famous (making anonymity essential), I am not overly concerned.

    I have 4 kids, 17 to 10 and your blog title certainly fits the bill of life with teenies. I call mine the Fabulous Four OR the Children of the Lord, depending on the day.

    Blessings on this blog. I am a fan! Lesley

  14. Stumbled on your blog (since it was on the wordpress homepage) and was amused to see our son’s have the same birthday (3/7/07) my daughter is however only 6 weeks old (9/22/10). Love reading another mommy blogger with kids in similar ages!

  15. I think you make some valid points, but with a Master’s degree you should work or teach. Staying home seems like it would be boring. You could get a job and have your husband split shifts with you and the kids. Dont throw your life away please. I know people that have done it and they always regret it.

  16. For some reason this reminds me that when I went to my son and daughter in laws house today she asked if I would please take off my shoes. Then she almost started crying. She has a five year old and a large dog. She had been dog sitting for a friend overnight and it was all too much and came to a head. The good thing is she finally realizes that these things happen and to just move on. She gets stressed and I get stressed but finally after several years we know how to handle it together and not have major blowouts. Both of us made the same comment today about our own houses, how they were a disaster but we just couldn’t do anything about right now.

  17. I found your blog and look forward to reading … you are too funny. Isn’t that the truth about motherhood? You said it perfectly. I am a Mommy to a 5 year old girl and 1.5 year old boy … sounds like my days are reeeeaally close to yours! :0) Looking forward to reading your blog.

  18. It’s good to know I’m not the only stay-at-home mom with a Master’s degree and oodles of debt to prove it. Sad to see that Dan (above) considers what you’re at home doing a waste, but eh, to each his own.

    Just found your blog and am excited for the laughs it will bring me as I start out on my mommying journey.

  19. Hi, Allison! I love, love, love your blog My name is Maria, it’s my real name there would be no point in using any other name because there are but millions Maria’s in the U.S alone, not to mention all over the world. Im jealous i cant have a glass of wine in the middle of the day like u due to the fact i’m currently 31 weeks pregnant again and i have a 13 month old boy that I cant complain too much about because he is content playing with a spoon and a shoe box, except when feeding and nap time comes around its like WW3. And yes this 2nd one was a big surprise, but from what i hear its pretty common. I too miss my life before my son but what i miss the most is shopping and being able to fit into my old clothes. With my 2nd baby on the way i sit here and think i will never be a size 4 ever again! But anyways, again I love your blog i can relate and keep up the great work!

    Maria

  20. Hi, Allison.

    I just responded to your post about your “special day,” and I found it a bit eerie that we seem to be living the same life. I felt the same way when I read about the snow on top of snow. So, I thought I’d find out more about you under this tab and, whoa, I feel like we are the same person, just a year apart from each other!

    Based on your snow post, I imagine you live in the Boston area? Me too. I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years and my son was born in March of ’06 and my daughter was born in August of ’08. I, too, am paying back debt from the Master’s degree I no longer use and wonder how I ended up a SAHM, but given that I was working between 80 and 100 hours a week in my pre-children teaching career, I can’t quite see how that would fit in with diaper changes and tantrums.

    (Yes, Dan, my teaching position had me working that many hours. And my husband is away on business almost every week. Can you see how it would be difficult to manage a two-job family? Or am I still “throwing my life away”?)

    Sorry for the aside; Dan’s response just made me angry.

    Anyway, I started blogging a while back. Haven’t kept it up as much as I’d like, but I want to get back to it. You might relate to my posts. Take a look, if you can:

    talesfromthepda.blogspot.com

    In the meantime, crack open that bottle of wine and hang in there. I say any hour with a p.m. after it is fine for wine.

    -Stephanie

  21. I love your blog. I happened upon it by accident & am I glad I did. I’ve always felt somewhat smug about how easy my daughter was as a toddler. Well, she’s almost a teen now and some days it ain’t pretty.

  22. A friend of mine, Jules Andrea Banks-Howard (“LaDolceMama”), wanted me to read your “Pancakes & French Fries” blog. I am new to your website and find it so near and dear to the heart. Funny and yet serious all rolled into one. I have been trying to read your stories and have enjoyed them all. I couldn’t find this particular page and was wondering if you could send it to me, thank you.

    Shannon L. Alexander
    AngelsDevil_210@live.com

  23. You’re my hero…f-ing hilarious….no, really, i thought it was only me with a good sense of humor about motherhood….thanks

  24. Hi there! you said it so perfectly. I am relatively new to the blogging world, but I think Ive wanted to do this for a while and just never had the guts. With a little push from hubby and here I am.
    If you have a chance I would love it if you checked it out and tell me what you think.
    I think your posts are great and informative and can totally relate.
    Thanks so much! :)

  25. One of my fellow crazy mommies told me about your blog and now I can’t get enough of it! It always makes me feel more sane when I know I’m not the only one thinking this way! Anyway, I have to tell you about this book I recently discovered that is hilarious & a mommy must read. It’s called “When did I get like this? The Screamer, the Worrier, the Dinosaur-chicken-nugget buyer, and other mothers I swore I’d never be” by Amy Wilson.

    Looking forward to more of your gems!

  26. You are awesome…I love this About page.

    I think I’m funny too…not sure if anyone else does! But you definitely are. I’m looking forward to reading more from someone else who understands that kids aren’t always a bundle of joy!!

  27. I just stumbled across your blog and already I love it! I love your honesty about your kids. I love mine dearly too, but they can be monsters, and by 6 pm, I’m praying for bedtime to hurry up and come! Although, that doesn’t always stop the whining, crying, and insanity! lol

  28. Go, Allison! I will put you in my favorites. I have a nearly 4 year old daughter whom I love more than life itself literally, but also say WTF quite often and am very careful whom I share it with – thanks for making us well rounded mommies not feel so alone. Have fun and enjoy the wild ride. You were so brave to have #2.

  29. Ah, I wish I had a friend like you! I just found your blog – just started mine like yesterday I think. Maybe the day before. Thanks for the laughs, inspiration and levity. I have a long way to go.
    – NO Momma

  30. Hello, I just found your blog and rarely do I laugh right at the computer screen– but this did it. would you be interested in a guest post? I just wrote a piece 1900 words about what two homeless men taught me about parenting. I’m trying to get my name out there because I have my first boook coming out in the fall. here’s the beginning,

    “S’cuse me! Miss! How old’s the little girl?”
    I slowed my jogging stroller and yanked an ear bud out of my ear. I had come up alongside two homeless men and their shopping cart where they had settled in the shade along the college jogging track which I had just found earlier in the week. I had sort of asked for this. I was new in town, still so glad to finally be living in the same state as my husband that I smiled at everything—even homeless men.

  31. Thank you for writing this blog. Really. I kind thought I was the only one who didn’t/doesn’t feel the happy warm fuzzies of June-Cleaver-esque motherhood 100% of the time like so many other people seem to (are they just THAT good at lying/acting?)…Not that I don’t love my kiddo, it’s just…Mama-hood is HARD. And FRUSTRATING. I regularly claim “Worst Mother EVER” status for getting drawn into long and increasingly high volume arguments with my almost-three-year-old about how pants are required to leave the house, stripping from the waist down at the playground isn’t socially acceptable, and NO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING BESIDES COOKIES TODAY I MEAN IT.
    I totally hear you on the potty-trip “false alarms.” My kid regularly tells me she has to go, just so she can get half naked and try to flush half a roll of TP and try to dip her butt in the toilet water (WTF?!) so I’m the crazy lady in the bathroom with the cute toddler yelling, “Will you PLEASE just POOP ALREADY?!”
    If you’re crazy, I’m crazy. We’re all crazy together.
    Thank you.

  32. This had me cracking up…I have 5…yes 5 boys…the oldest being 13 and the baby being 2…it is a constant mix of Ultimate fighting and I love lucy high pitched whining…sometimes at the same time. I never feel like the perfect mom…when my kids ask why they have to go to bed I tell them I don’t care if they sleep…I am officially off the clock and they have to leave me alone…here it is 11:20 and I just ran my 5 year old back to bed…11:20…seriously…he never sleeps. Just wanted to say thanks for being honest…having a good sense of humor is the only way to parent…wait until they hit 13…for the love…you are doing important work…may the force be with you

  33. My hubs discovered your blog via facebook and said he thought I might enjoy it, was he EVER right! I love every second of my reading time, laughing and feeling so much better that I am not the only one who sometimes wonders WTF when it comes to her children. Thanks so much for putting your stories out there and helping others feel better about feeling the same!

  34. Came across your blog and love reading it. Recently forwarded a pdf copy of the book “Go the f*ck to sleep” to some parental friends and got crickets. Apparently I’m a bad mom for finding the book hilarious and being the only parent that is completely exhausted with twin toddler’s whom I wish would “go the f to sleep.” I read your blog and I feel normal again. Thank you!

  35. i super super love your blog..its 2 am here in the Philippines but oh,yeah im wide awake reading your posts…very funny and very entertaining….kisses to L and S…=)

  36. I’ve been following you for a while but recently started reading your blog more, and I have to say that I think you’re an incredible writer. I absolutely love and admire your candor and sense of humor. I agree that sometimes to get through certain situations, we just to laugh.

    I can relate to some of your situations and it’s refreshing to read a parenting blog written by a parent that tells it like it is.

  37. Today was definitely the day I needed to find this blog! Love it! My girls are 4.5 and 3.5 and just got blessed with a brand new colicy baby in May ((eye roll)). There are just too many things I’m reading that I. Have. Thought. Amazing to feel like I’m not so evil and utter failure….I’m *gasp* normal!
    I just asked my mom today, Why do people say this is the most rewarding job you can do with your life? No, really, why? Please don’t tell me the reward comes at 18 and they leave the house (even though you’re still supporting them, but you’re just so happy they’ve left). I look forward to reading more!!

  38. Love it! I’ve just finished setting up my own blog, which I’m using to vent my frustration about motherhood. I’m so glad I’m not the only only one.

  39. Thank you for saying everything I think, as a new Mom. I love my son dearly, but my God motherhood makes me say WTF all day long!

  40. Hey there! Your site is one of my favorites.. I’d like to add your link to my site but wanted to make sure that was okay with you first…

    if you want to check it out, it’s

    http://hotmessmom.com/

    Just launched yesterday and having a ball so far!
    Let me know .. you can comment on the site or email me at the address attached. Thanks!

  41. Just found your blog today and have just started one of my own this past week…for oh so similar reasons. ‘Cept my nightmares include PTA meetings and walking into my important lunch meeting with kid boogers on my face (son had a cold..why ARE kid boogers so sticky?). I figured I couldn’t be the only mother out there that feels like her whole life is one big YouTube moment. Thanks for the inspiration! You’re a gem!

  42. Allison, thank you for your blog and for having the courage to be honest. It feels like a conspiracy of women that we hide how $%^&* hard it is (and we hide it because people generally judge us so harshly when we are honest), and then we beat ourselves up endlessly for any mistakes we make. I always used to say my PhD was the hardest thing I had ever done, but after becoming a mom to a baby who wouldn’t feed and wouldn’t sleep, I think that motherhood is hands down the hardest. thing. ever. I think your children are lucky to have a mommy that so clearly wants to do her best for them.

  43. I found your blog through Domestic Diva and the voting site. I love your blog! I have read a few things here and there but your children especially your L is like all three of my kids from random wetness, generally a bottle of shampoo on the carpet dumped out, to running out of the house while I am gardening and talking with a new neighbor and my 2 year old his naked from the waiste down, this happened 2 hours ago. My house is a mess my kids are uncontrollable and if I say WTF to them one more time I think my husband might wash my mouth out with soap. Glad to know not all mom’s are wonder moms and that I am normal! Bring on the wine and prozac!

  44. I admire you. Some people are afraid of the cold, hard TRUTH. As wonderful as motherhood is it is just as hard, complicated and sad at times. I give you so much credit for being REAL. I love your blog and will continue to follow. Best wishes to you and your family. <3

  45. I just love your blog ! I have shared it with all my friends and am still laughing so hard I nearly PEED my own pants! Thanks for the laughs….really needed it today !

  46. Awesome Blog ! I admire you for putting the truth about motherhood out there !!! looking forward to fallowing your blog ! I’ve just started to blog so im looking forward to reading others and posting my own :) xoxoxox

  47. OMG! I am dying over here. I think this is freaking awesome :-) I am the mom of 3 kiddos ages 10, 5 and 4 the last two being girls and OH, BOY! I am a “part-time” stay at home mom (if that even exists…) I work part-time (benefits you know). I am in school full-time and doing a part-time internship all while trying to stay sane and not hang my children by their toes and force my husband to join them. How it works I am still trying to figure it out, but the kiddos do help. I do (and not everyone gets my sense of humor) have a savings account set up for them to use for when they start going to therapy (HAHAHAHA!) I know they will because we are mean parents and we like to scare the Sh#@ out of our children and do other little things to them that we know will land them on a psychiatrist couch… how do we know this so well, well because that is what the media tells us will happen. Everything we are not supposed to do with children (have the tv be a babysitter, let them get their way, yell at them, ignore them, bribe them, give them cake for breakfast…) Yeah all THOSE things will land them on a couch. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to reading more :-)

  48. I started reading your blog today and it is hilarious! It will be my new companion in the morning with my coffee. I sincerelywas thank you for this, as I usually drink my coffee while listening to my kids fight over which color cereal bowl they have, or whose turn it is to pick the cartoons.(it usually ends up on spongebob anyway.) So your blog will fit in very nicely and might help me laugh a little more on the morning rather than want to crawl back into bed!
    Thanks again! Lol.

  49. I already love your blog. You are my new best friend and I wish you lived next door. I get the feeling that you would babysit for me only b/c you know it would then require me to return the favor, which is what I look for in a friend but have yet to find. I look forward to all your posts.

  50. I concur that my kids are simultaneously amusement and misery. I luv them dearly but yes they work a nerve like it ain’t meant to be worked. I wanted to tell u as u have already discovered wine is a stable when you’re an at home mom. Also I sometimes wish I could wear my name on my shirt and take it off and wear the dad shirt just so they’ll stop saying it!

  51. Hey Allison! Your blog made my day! I’m a new mom to an 8 month old boy whom I love to death, but when he was born, I had post-partum depression. I, like many others, thought I was a terrible mom. But your blog is freakin awesome, and reading it helped me get out of my depression. And now I know I’m probably not the only psycho who may have stopped in the middle of a highway crying her eyes out with her screaming, hungry baby who refused to latch on to her boob. :-) Keep it up!

    • Oh you’re definitely not the only one! Driving with a screaming baby is horrible beyond description. I’ve pulled over to cry. Once I had to pull over to sleep and I told my kids that they needed to be quiet for at least 15 mins so I could get us home without killing anyone. They must have heard a new low of desperation in my voice because they just sat there quietly while I napped in the parking lot of a highway rest stop. This anecdote is just to say that we’re all just out here trying to survive parenthood. You’re totally surrounded by other moms who have been there, done that and are just as crazy/ depressed/sleep deprived/exhausted as you are. Welcome!

  52. Literally laughed out loud at some of your posts and your about page! This was so good! I’m not a mother (I don’t think I want kids until I’m at least 30 but maybe even older haha!), but I still enjoy reading your posts! I’ve read a few mommy bloggers who literally crack me up! They have some of the best stuff to say! I just have to include this link to a blog I’ve sort of just discovered that I think you’d really like–the woman who writes it is HILARIOUS! http://karensomethingorother.blogspot.com/
    Seriously if you have a minute, read some of her stuff–I can see the similarities between you two hahaha!

  53. I freaking love your blog! I actually went all the way back to the very beginning to read it all! As a new mommy, I especially loved reading about S when she was my daughters current age. (over a year ago!)

    “I welcome comments. If you’re really mean, I might delete it. If you’re really mean but I think you’re funny, I might keep it.” <– made me laugh

  54. Hey, thaniks for a fresh breath of honesty…I am so cynical now I feel like any mom who tells me how fabulous her kids are and how much she just loves being a stay at home mom is just a blatant liar. My best friend told me I should go talk to highschools to promote birth control. As she politely put it…my stories might “incentivize” teenagers into celibacy. As much as I love my kiddos (3 under 5) I sometimes wake up in the morning thinking “you again?”

  55. I’m not usually a stalker, but I might make an exception. I have loads of student loan debt for my currently worthless MA, and sushi and wine are my bff’s. You get me.

  56. Hi Allison, I love your blog… I found it while looking up mom blogs to give me an idea on starting one. I figure if i’m hiding out in my office strategically planning a way to ignore my kids without feeling like a horrible mom I should start a blog. Besides, the arguments I am having with my non-commiting boyfriend and the profantities I am directing towards my kids would have a much proper place on a blog rather than swarming around in my head where nobody can witness them.

    If you have any suggestions on how to go about writing a blog and dealing with kids (I have a 4 and 2 year-old, both girls!!) I would greatly appreciate the advice.

  57. Apparently we are the same family living in different places. Firstly, WTF is the license plate my hubs has been trying to get unsucessfully from the DMV here for years(DAMN YOU DMV). Hubs of 7 yrs(and together for almost 15) have an almost 5 yr old DD(and D in this case does not represent dear….), a 3 yr old son and you know your Mirena post? Yeah. Well. Mine is due on Valentine’s day. Apparently I was “meant” to have another. That discussion is for another day.
    I try to tell myself that my life can be wonderful. That we can all be happy and fun and not screamy. Every day I tell myself this. It’s working. Not. Oh well, tomorrow I will make it work. Yup. Seriously.
    Anyways, I think that if you were close by to us, we might actually hang out. It would make me feel better about myself and perhaps our older children could distract each other with asinine activities whilst our 2 younger children pummeled each other and the new baby? Well, that is a discussion for another day…I might have mentioned…
    So, that said, if you might like to chat occasionally, feel free to email me. I would send you my blog info but I am not nearly as good about updating mine as you are. I love to write but I find myself drawn to Facebook a tad bit more than should be good for anyone, damn you smart phones.
    From one WTF fam to another, thanks for the laugh and perhaps we can get to know each other better sometime!

  58. Wine is definitely a food group! I love your blog, I just found it and am happy to say I share many of your setiments, as do most moms whether they will admit to it or not. I look forward to reading more.

  59. Omg! I have never felt the need to comment or write to a blogger before but I am a nanny and I stumbled upon your site… this is the best thing i have ever seen. I have cant stop reading and I cant stop laughing. I love your blog i think its great, and very true any mom (or nanny) who cant relate to some of these is just lying.. too funny! Thanks so much for taking the time to share your stories.. ps great pictures haha

    Nikki

  60. Tripped over your blog while I was searching for Mom bloggers who might want to review my parenting book on Kindle, Raising Amazing Children (While Having a Life of Your Own.), So, bad news for me — it doesn’t appear that you do much in the way of reviewing parenting books but, good news for me — you are so very funny and you made me laugh — a lot — during my work day. Thanks! I’m in as a reader of yours for life now and sending you my newly pregnant daughter who, at the moment, isn’t finding anything about motherhood funny!

  61. I LOVE your blog! My son came out 7 weeks early and he has been in charge ever since! He knows it, too. He is now 20 years old and is still upstairs. I’m looking for a way to get him out but he seems to be failing college. I love him with all my heart but just want him to go away….

  62. You are hilarious. Why are there so many moms who blog about how they are so blessed to have such beautiful children (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but really, who cares?) and so few blogs that tell it like it is, like you do? Anyway, glad I discovered your blog. It’s awesome. I’m a new mom and I recently developed an addiction to mom blogs, and so I decided to start my own. I would love it if you would check it out, and so here is my shameless plug: http://www.strollerparkingonly.blogspot.com
    Keep up the good work!

  63. Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing a blog for real moms. If only there were more bloggers like you, and fewer bloggers writing about how their kids’ shit doesn’t stink.

  64. OMG Thank you! Someone who really GETS it! I’ve been reading through your posts and cracking up! Very real and you tell it like it REALLY is. You Rock! I am a mom of 4 under 7 and everyday is a chaotic mess. My salvation is in NAP TIME! GO TO YOUR ROOM!! I love my kids too, but they really know how to get under my skin! I will keep reading and send your link to my other sarcastic mom friends! Thanks again!

  65. Your life seems to be an echo of what mine was. I have two kids, boy 8 and girl 6. I have been in your shoes and can appreciate the funny moments and I understand your guilt when it comes to your son.

    I have read many of your posts and thought her L is exactly like my Gavin!! I used to think that my daughter was my favourite child too because she was easier, less stubborn and so sweet…. NOT ANYMORE! I can’t explain it, but I think the devil has taken over her body.

    I was a sahm (sort of) until Ava turned 6. I worked evenings and weekend so was home during the day to do the mommy thing. I won’t say it gets better (others have told me that I think they are lying!) but it does change. All I can say is hang in there and thanks for the laughs!

  66. I enjoyed reading your blog! Out of everything I read I am so glad to know that I am not the only one with a stinky mini-van. I appreciate your honesty. Being a stay at home mom is not easy, I honestly worked harder when I was working (I was a Microbiologist). I feel a little less crazy now and for that I thank you!

  67. i found your blog on top mommy blogs, and im really excited that i did. what made me click on your blog was the picture of your kiddos, i love it! and first blog i read was the “children are stupid” very attracting tittle by the way; i loved it i could not stop laughing. i had never thought about children not knowing anything, and it is soo true. well im so glad i found your blog and i will be following you ;)

  68. Love your blog. Especially the Tapas. I, too have children with vast differences in personality. It makes for interesting and humor filled life! I also relate the the part about being a savvy education woman, who is now a completely clueless SAM. I could have really used Reasoning-With-Toddlers 101 in college. Anyway, as a point of interest, if you don’t not already follow @honesttoddler on twitter, you are missing out! Or if you don’t have twitter you can always read what Honest Toddler posts on his blog. It. is. hilarious! Thanks for sharing~ Chris

  69. Lol, it’s always refreshing to hear a person, especially a mother, talk frankly about parenting without bs’ing everyone that it’s all puppies and rainbows! There’s lots of puppy crap that goes along with it and I appreciate that you’re not sugar coating it! Funny stuff, especially for a girl ;-).

  70. Cannot believe that I’ve just found your blog! Between the wine, loving sleeping kids, and sarcasm…well, you had me at wine.
    You did forget to mention that you (or at least I) love the kids most in school photos…because they’re not fighting or whining! Thank you!!

  71. Your blog has me literally laughing so hard I am in tears! I am a stay at home mom (not by choice but by financial circumstance) I dont see many people during the day except a 2 year old and a 13 month old (14 months apart) that stare at me blankly when I speak to them. My other “mommy friends” are a bunch of flakes, who has a fake ear infection..stomach bug…So your blog helps me relate to other mothers. I just began potty training my 2 year old with this “# day potty training” Feeling like a total failure for being ready to throw in the towel, I found your blog. It really took a lot of pressure off of me. (and her for that matter) Thanks again for the laughs!!!
    Mommy dearest recently posted…The 12 Days of Christmas MomMy Profile

  72. I just came over from Because Motherhood Sucks and I just know I am going to love this blog too! Me? No kids and for all the reasons you mention. My resentment would eventually become lethal to someone. Love your humor…

  73. Dr. Oz did say wine was a fruit, in case you are still wondering about wine being a food. How can you disagree with Dr. Oz?

  74. Lol… reading just your about section makes me feel that I am not the only one fretting every single day about being an mother and than being a horrible mother. A perfect Mother is just an illusion.
    Sunalini recently posted…Your LifeMy Profile

  75. I’m not even sure if I remember how I stumbled upon your website since I’ve not had much sleep lately but I am sure of one thing, you’re frikkin AWESOME! I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who is too smart for his own good and a 9 month old girl whom I lovingly nicknamed demon spawn. I love them both to the moon and back and I feel the same way you do about lots of things. I guess what I want to say is thanks for being you, keep it up!

  76. A chick after my own parenting guidelines I love it! Oh PS I tried to click the RSS feed icon to add you to my feed and it just takes me to a page of a bunch of HTML code.
    Sarah Lopez recently posted…WhinersMy Profile

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