Another special day with L ruined by none other than L. I dropped S off at daycare, took L back home and we went on a long bike ride. Back home for an early lunch and then I took him to the movies. We even had popcorn and candy – a real treat around here. He’s been to the movies 3 or maybe 4 times, but has never had anything from the concession stand. So far, the day is a resounding success. But wait…
Upon exiting the theater, I turn on my phone to find 3 voicemails. S has a fever and needs to be picked up.
This is where L turns from lucky kid out for a great day with his mom to horrible, ungrateful, evil, selfish little bugger who’s about to get what’s coming to him. He doesn’t want to leave because he wants to sit on the arcade motorcycle game, with no quarters put into it, and pretend to ride. “I’m sorry, your sister is sick and I need to pick her up. They’ve been trying to reach me for a long time. We have to go.”
He leaves with me, but pouts about it. “I never get to do anything special.” (Yes, he says this as we leave the movie theater, while we are still in the middle of a special outing. WTF?)
On the ride home from picking up S:
“Can I ride my bike when we get home?”
“No, it will be rest time.”
“Yes I can. I can do whatever I want. You can’t stop me, Stupid.”
This is when I see some movement in the rear view mirror. For no reason, after no provocation whatsoever, L’s arm reaches across and does something to S which makes her scream and cry.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing, I swear, she’s just crying.”
S holds her arm, crying and crying. Obviously L is lying. I pull the car over.
“Tell me what you did.”
“I didn’t do anything. I promise.”
“You’re lying to me. I saw you.”
“You did? Uh, I did this.” (demonstrates pinching.)
What kind of little shit of a person just reaches out and pinches someone for no reason? A sick toddler no less? So, I did the only reasonable thing that came to mind: I pinched his arm.
OK, OK, so it was not reasonable, nor well thought out, nor done with more pain to me than him but for his benefit as a lesson. I did it because I was pissed off and wanted to hurt him. Just a little.
Well, he cried the whole way home telling me that I’m stupid and mean and that I’m not supposed to pinch back no matter how bad he is or what he does to S. And honestly, I’m not sure if he’s right or wrong about all of that.
He’s now upstairs throwing things down and I’m trying my best to ignore him.
So, will our great morning leave a lasting impression on him? Will he remember his mom as the person who goes on bike rides, goes to the movies and indulges in popcorn? Or the mean lady who pinched him when she should have known better?
Sometimes a pinch isn’t a bad thing to give right back to someone who just did it unprovoked. At that point in time, I think it made a pretty big impression. No, you aren’t supposed to pinch someone back. But there was his pinch and the lie and the fresh mouth. What else were you suppose to do?
I have your back on this one, sister.
I agree… He had just done it and you doing it back to him could be considered showing him why it was wrong of him to do it to S.
Your pinch was justified… it’s not a punch in the face. Although I’m sure that crossed your mind too.
I’m with you on the pinching back. Obviously not hard but enough to get your point across. My twin toddlers are almost constantly at each other without provocation. And I mean scratching open, biting, hitting etc. I have found on occasion that a taste of the guilty one’s own medicine (apart from scratching and hitting – usually I retaliate with a smack on the bottom) does work. I have bitten and pinched back. I don’t think it makes you a bad mother. The saying “if they don’t wanna listen, they must feel” works on occasion.
Yasmin I never heard that one. My grandma drilled in our heads as kids, “the first time I tell you, the next time you feel me!” I guess that means the same thing.
Alison he’ll remember the good time he had with you. For some reason kids have a tendency to forget the negative things. I guess that’s why psychologist love to reiterate positive reinforcement. I still feel a negative consequence will fix a bad behavior!
You are an awesome mom Alison!
Shawna, yeah that saying from your grandma I think pretty much means the same. It works too.
That pinch was totally justified
Among the things that keep me going when I’m wallowing in Mommy Guilt are these: (1) Once, when I moaned to a counselor how worried I was about messing up my kids forever, he kindly said, “You already have! So stop worrying about it.” No parent is perfect, just like no kid is perfect. Somehow, we love each other in spite of it and find our way. (2) Even though I’m 41, my mom is still inclined to apologize to me now and then for her own bad parenting moments. Almost always, I have no idea what she’s talking about. I remember a very happy childhood, which is a gift to us both. Cut yourself some slack. The very fact that you ask such questions goes to show that love, not meanness, is what drives the way you parent. The older L gets, the more he’ll know it.
The last two sentences there – put them in your pocket and carry them around. They are truth.
It’s like the rules for multiplying positive and negative numbers…
Good parents have crappy moments and feel crappy. Crappy parents have crappy moments and feed good (or don’t care).
I don’t know a parent who has never had a crappy moment, unless that parent is delusional and/or a liar.
All that being said, I actually think the pinch was totally justified as is regretting that it happened. Such is life – no easy answers.
This has happened to me oodles of time with my oldest… many times I think “why am I even trying????” But I do try again and again, and you will too.
http://chosenchaos.blogspot.com/2011/06/one-about-living-with-super-hero.html
This story had me cracking up only b/c I can totally relate! I have a 3 yr old son and 1 yr old daughter. My son is constantly aggravating/hurting her. The poor girl can’t catch a break. So the other day after pulling her hair I pulled his…… HARD. He proceeded to do just like L and cried, screamed, kicked, said I was mean, I hurt him, he wants his Daddy, ect. He of course made me feel horrible about it, but I felt like it served him right. Love all your stories! I just found your blog 2 days ago and I was in tears I was laughing so hard at some of your stories. It is so nice to know I am not alone. This blog may have saved me from having to go on zoloft, prozac, ect! And I’m not kidding!
I go through the same sort of thing between my two. It makes you not want to go out of your way to do anything nice for the older child. I tell mine straight, “Dude, there were about a million other things I could have done today besides taking you out for a fun day. Sitting on the couch and doing nothing would have been a better choice, but I decided to make the sacrifice for you instead.” … It’s called a guilt trip. My mom used it on me, and I’m just passing it along the generations. FYI, I never sit on my couch and do nothing, because this is the never-ending house of chores. I dream about it though.
To be honest, I think your pinching was justified. Hitting and pinching is not an acceptable thing for a child to do, and sometimes kids need a taste of their own medicine to understand. Pinching his sister was not nice, and a pinch back may help him understand how not-so-nice it is and how good it doesn’t feel. Sometimes, explaining something to a child just isn’t enough. It goes in one ear and out the other, and I know we’ve all done things we’re not proud of it moments like that, especially when we’re upset. My husband and I have pinched our daughter before when she was being bad to get our point across, lol. Hey, it’s effective.
I hope S feels better. Fevers are no fun at all.
Omg! I am so elated to hear that I am not the only “mean”, “stupid” mommy. As of late I am also an idiot. Like L, my guy also blames everyone else for EVERYTHING and takes zero responsibility. He also antagonizes his sister incessantly. Oh how I wish we were neighbors and could let our boys physically and verbally abuse each other all day long.
I too have one just like L, he told me I was ruining his life. Oh, well, back at ya. Don’t be too hard on yourself, I think there are many of us who have/would do the same in that situation.
I just admitted in a comment on another blog this very day that I have a)smacked The Nugget after she screamed in my face and b)screamed at her so loud my throat hurt. Not my proudest moments, but moms have their limits too. And, I agree with others, sometimes when we lose our patience it turns out to be the thing that was needed to get their attention. If you think it over and feel it was really the wrong reaction, you can always talk to L about how you think mommy made a bad decision in that moment. I have done it with The Nugget. Hang in there!
Once when my 3-year-old hit me repeatedly, and after I had told him over and over again that we don’t hit…I hit him. Bam right on the ass. That didn’t make me feel too good about myself. : (
I know how you feel.
But sometimes we just need to give ourselves a freaking break.
http://www.toulouseandtonic.com
I really like the “you will hear me the first time, you will feel me the second time”. Do what you have to do. I have a girlfriend that told me when she was little she was a bitter and her mom finally had enough and bit her back. She is now a recovered bitter.
Love your blog. When my son was in kindergarten he drew a picture of me. With a moustache. I still cringe when I see his teacher (he’s 13 now). Trust me, it get’s worse.
Oh, god, I’ve had these days. I still have these days! I also recognize your feeling of, ‘what will they remember’? Sigh. I’ll have a beer for you tonight.
http://klsprout.wordpress.com
My PP does this, and I usually just want to pack up her toys and outfits and never do anything nice for her ever again.
However, usually before I get the trashbags out, she does something so stinkin cute that I feel like a monster.
He pinched his sister because she was the reason his special outing with you was ruined…..and you pinched him because the car ride home was ruined.
Seems fair to me!!! I’ve pinched back before to make a point….don’t sweat it:)
I’m right there with you. You hate to do it & it’s heartbreaking (though, totally justified & more than well deserved) but sometimes, we who “learn the hard way” , actually learn & that’s what matters.
A pinch from Mommy now might save him from some serious a$$ kicking later on (a highly disturbed stranger or sociopathic playground monster who’s Mommy let him get away with his pinching ; ).)
My Mom (lied) told my brother & me when we were kids, “Pinching causes cancer”. Still sticks w me.
Moving on…
I’ve had days with the little darlings where I’ve done everything short of renting elephants & hosting the GD Ringling Bros. in our living room, only to be met with snotty, rude, unappreciative little sh*t’s who complain about the 1 “so called flaw” in an ENTIRE flipping day of fun.
totally pisses me off…
I think the pinching was completely justified. Go ahead and forgive yourself. I once pulled my kid’s hair because she pulled her sister’s (unprovoked). She has since stopped pulling hair and moved on to biting.
It has absolutely crossed my mind to bite her back. And I know her sister has.
Ha! Been there, done that. Then had a martini.
Just linked to your site.That post cracks me up!
I have done that, and felt the same way. Let’s say it’s OK!
It’s true- MY kid is really more annoying! My redheaded, lunatic, 2 year old makes L seem like a sweet little cherub. Let me tell you, Allison, she’s felt a little pinch before, herself, and I’m not admitting to anything, but it is possible that one of her ponytails may have received a tiny, little tug after she pulled a chunk of hair out of her brother’s head. I hear you!!!
*hugs*
When I lose my cool with the boys and dish out in kind whatever bratty, spiteful thing they just did, they howl and cry and say horrible guilt inducing things like “You’re not supposed to hit/etc. Say you’re sorry. You should have used your words, mama.”
Counting to 10 doesn’t help.
This is simply horrible you´re the adult, you´re supossed to be in control! How come people like you are allowed to breed and then complain about the hideous offspring you´ve produced? I guess L will grow up to be a serial killer of some sort since no one can bring him down to behave like a human. Don’t give the “ooohhh you don´t know what you´re talking about, boys will be boys” speech, come on! Your lack of parental abilities is astounding! I wonder how did you manage to get a master’s… If I were your neighbor Social services would be on your ass as we speak. I´m no longer going to be a reader of your blog. Fuck you and your fucking monster children.
Diana, calm down. If you have kids you can totally relate to this story. I don’t think the author writes these stories to glorify them. I think it’s more of a way to share the things most people don’t talk about in regards real parenting.
It’s a testament to your character that you can respond to that coolly and rationally.
Diana most DEFINITELY does not have children. If she does, my guess it’s no more than one. And that ONE child will far more likely be the one who turns out to be a serial killer. Sounds to me more like she’s an aunt who her siblings never let visit with the kids…and she probably sits in her house peeking out the curtains to check up on her neighbors who DO have children. Calling social services when one of them happens to pee in the front yard…
Come to think of it, Diana, are you my neighbor???
LOL!!
Diana you are a complete moron. I guess the fact that you used the f word twice in one paragraph shows that you are an “adult and in control”
‘LIKE”
Holy crap woman, chill out! Get a sense of humour. If you really think that her children are so awful you have obviously not read about the sweet and endearing things this womans children do too. Furthermore, anyone who would refer to children (especially ones she’s never met) as ‘fucking monster children’, ‘hideous offspring’ or a future serial killer has no business being a mother herself. If you do decide to read this blog again I hope you’ll kindly remove the stick from your ass first.
Diana,
Your response sounds frustrated and emotional to me. I hope you can find a way to understand that Allison, from what I have read over the past year, uses this blog to reach out for understanding when she, too, is frustrated and emotional.
But your response also smells of an attack, of bullying. The author of this post needs support, not to be told off. Parenting is very difficult, kids can be challenging, and we all have different ways of dealing with it.
I have met Allison in person and can tell you that she glows with joy when she speaks of her kids. She loves them and innately wants the best for them. You clearly do not know this part of her story, or else you would not have said what you did above.
So, please, reconsider your words before you so harshly type them on the www. Once they are Out There, they can hurt. Not just Allison, but you. How will you feel in a year from now, knowing you once put in black & white that you believe someone else’s babies are “fucking monster children”?
There is a wonderful pledge out there called The Mom Pledge, and I took it recently. The purpose of it is to help people, moms in particular, when they are being victimized on the internet. There is absolutely nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone’s post, and there are many ways to get a fruitful conversation going, more tactful ways of disagreeing. I am responding to your comment directly because I want better for you, and better for Allison. If you feel like you have some truly helpful advice, then pass it along.
I am placing myself between your aggressive words and this blogger, because no one should be attacked like this.
I am putting these words “Out There”, even though I think Allison should delete your comment (and thus, this reply stream). Because I would rather see you get a better understanding of what you said and what it means, than watch others jump in aggressively towards you in order to protect her. You both deserve better.
Please, think about a blogger as a whole story, a whole person before you comment in this way again. You both deserve better.
Kim
Damn, you’re good! Thanks for your support. Although I am not upset by her comment, you’re right. She’s out there commenting like this to other people and she might just get to the wrong person on the wrong day and really hurt and upset someone. It’s hard for me to understand what motivates a person to spew this sort of thing out there, to try to hurt people, attack children, create hate.
I’d say someone definitely needs to come off the pedestal-or your high horse-whichever you prefer. There’s nothing wrong with disciplining your child-and times it takes doing to them what they have done to someone else. Why do you even read the blog if it bothers you so much? Let me guess-you’re one of those “perfect” parents (if you even are a parent) who lets their children do, say and get whatever they want? Well guess what…it’s kids like those that end up being physcopaths and serial killers because they can’t relate to the real world when they get there. Not enough discipline is the problem with kids nowadays and nosy, interferring people like you that can’t keep their noses out of others business and think they should tell other people how to parent their children. Get a life and a sense of humor. To Allison, I say…Right on girl…I’m right there with ya:)
This lady definitely doesn’t have any children of her own! And she does not know what she’s talking about!!!
That’s why I don’t understand why people like this find it even necessary to say something when they have no clue!!
I hope if she goes out to dinner tonight, she gets sat near a family with kids & those kids scream, cry & throw things at her! ‘Cause that’s what she deserves, among other things, right about now! =)
Um… I really don’t understand why you were reading this blog in the first place. When it comes to parenthood, it’s refreshing to read a blog where no one is blowing rainbows up your skirt. This is reality – children have to learn how to act human, it doesn’t just happen magically. GOOD parenting doesn’t just happen magically either – it is a learned skill, and Allison is just being honest about the learning process.
I never wanted anything more in life than to have children someday, and now that I have them, I realize that knowing how to deal with these tiny peoples’ emotions doesn’t always come naturally… congratulations to you if it does. A lot of people relate to Allison and her realistic attitude. I know that I, personally, am tired of always having to pretend that life is always perfect, or that I ALWAYS like my kids, or that as sweet as they usually are, they’re guilty of having pinched their sister or thrown a fit.
If you can honestly say your kid is perfect, and you’ve never been anything but a perfect parent, then I’m thinking you’re relying on the nanny a bit too much.
Miss Diana …I hope you have come back to read how people have responded to your post, you obviously were looking to be rude and have others “back” you …being rude is not going to get you anything in life. You should have really taken a step back from your computer & thought about the effect your words would have before posting them. Mothers should love & support other mothers, you (if your ARE a mother) should understand how HARD and how COMPLICATED raising another HUMAN can be. They are not SOMETHING, they are SOMEONEs and each someone is very different from the other. So why don’t you get the FULL STORY (which frankly, u can read her tales, but never know the real full story bc your NOT her) before you speak.
Xoxx
Lexi
And thank you “Diana” for putting your cards on the table. This is why my gaggle of friends has NOBODY like “Diana” in it. Good luck to her and her psychiatrist. We’ll keep our fucking selves and our fucking monster children. “Diana” can stay over there with the perfect people.
I have to say “Diana” that chances are you have actually had DHS called on you more times than anyone like us other parents could ever dream of. My guess is that you have a belt, or a paddle, or some “instrument” that you used to discipline your kids with. Am I close to being right. Of course I am. You started reading this blog for a reason… and somewhere along the way it struck a chord with you and made you realize how shit of a mom you were and how shit of parents your mom and dad were. Sorry you have a miserable and non-humorous life. Us other readers are here to commiserate, laugh, and go, “OMG” right along with her…. as for you, I’m glad you have fucked off and left this blog….
I read your blog because you’re honest. I appreciate the truth. Being a mommy is the toughest job in the world. Sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we do the right thing – even if that means pinching the pincher. (He was being a brat. You can’t just let that go.)
Obviously, some people (ahem, like Diana) are perfect parents so when they read about our imperfect lives, they need to hurry back to their pedestals so the ‘bad influences’ don’t rub off.
Geesh. Holy Drama Queen!
Thanks for the great read! I’ll be back again soon.
I just recently found your blog, and it is a GREAT LAUGH!!! I have a bit of a hard time relating to all of your days, but they still make me laugh!! I am a lawyer with one toddler at home, my little boy is 2. I STRUGGLE everyday to find tha balance with a career that I LOVE and a little boy and wonderful husband who I also LOVE LOVE! I sometimes look back on my discipline choices with my son and question if I am doing the right thing. That is what makes me a good parent, the ones who question if they are doing the right thing and bringing up their child right. It is the ones who do and think nohing of it that worry me. The only reason I am commenting is because of the comment above, which was just down right RUDE!! I wanted to tell you that you are a wonderful parent for being concerned about your choice to discipline your child and you are reaching out for support. Your little boy sounds like he was being a pain, you taught him a lesson, and now you can move on. I bet he won’t be pinching his little sister anymore! I too have always tried the time-out version of disclipline and most of the time it works with my son. However, there have been on occassions where he has gotten a swat on the bottom. I remember the handful of times as a kid when my parents did this and let me tell you I grew up to be a respectful, driven, hard-working, and caring individual. This is all I want for my son as well and if that means a swat on the bottom, or a pinch back for being a total pain to another little one then I am FULLY prepared to make sure I discipline him! By letting him get away with that I am telling him that it is ok to behave like that. I wonder if Diane’s children (if there are any) walk around pinching people all day. Tday’s youth generations have a tendency to disgust me, and it is children like Diane’s who are at the front of that list! Children no longer have respect for anything, they are lazy, they do stupid stuff, and it always leaves me wondering what would have happened if their parents had taken the time to teach them right from wrong. I hope you have a wonderful day, and PLEASE keep posting because in my line of work I could always use a laugh
Take care!
All I have to say is, if she would call social services on someone for pinching their kid, I pray she does not come anywhere near my house. She’d have S.W.A.T. at my house faster than you can scream “hideous children.”
Social services has much more important things they should be doing with their time than chasing after ridiculous accusations of child abuse. There are children out there really being abused that need those services. Not little boys who are being taught a lesson on what it feels like to be pinched. A pinch does not abuse make. Although it may seem absurd and out of “control’ to some for Allison to pinch her son, it’s what she could come up with to do at that moment. If you’ve never had to pull over on the side of a busy street because you have a backseat full of screaming kid(s), then you have no idea how you would handle the situation. Trust me. You are so frazzled at that moment, it’s easy to lose control or yourself. L got off light with a pinch. Anyway, I bet he won’t pinch his sister again for no reason. Which means her method of disciplining her “monster children” works.
Allison, keep on doing what you’re doing. There are women (and men) out here who love and appreciate your honesty, your bravery and your humor. It’s comforting to know someone struggles with the same things I do but can spin it in a way that makes me laugh instead of cry. I LOVE your blog.
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Wow. Just, wow – about Diana. I, too, took the Mom Pledge and comments like Diana’s are a reason why. Yikes. Kudos to Kim @LetMeStart for her excellent reply. And to all of you who have got Allison’s back, too.
I can tell you all that I’ve been lucky enough to hang out with Allison twice now and she DOES glow when talking about her kids. And she IS a great mom. Honestly – we probably all are great parents. Even great parents have many moments when they wonder WTF they are doing. Why our kids so awful. What kind of child does what he/she just did.
But you know what? We are human. Our kids are human. We are not perfect. And our blogs should be a safe place to vent about our kids’ and our own not-so-perfect moments.
And also? A place to broadcast our kids’ super sweetness – like L wanting to give money to starving kids. That’s children. One minute pinching their little sibling out of spite, the next wanting to give all their money to less fortunate kids. No one’s perfect. But I think most are our kids – and us parents – are pretty great.
And sometimes we just have to throw our hands up and say: Parenthood. WTF???
BTDT! Just about verbatim, even. My dd#1 is 7, and I’m wondering when the “attitude of gratitude” is gonna click. Hopefully before she and dd#2 send me completely over the edge! Or to the Salvation Army with all their loot in tow.
I’m an expert at agonizing over my less-than-stellar parenting moments. I tend to compare my worst moments to the best moments of my peers. Your stories DO help me feel better about my parenting, because I see that I’m not alone, and not in bad company. Thank you for sharing!
I had a day like this yesterday. My oldest couldn’t find his shoes because 1)His room looks like a bomb went off and 2)He threw his shoes in said room when he got mad at me. I told him that when he got home “all his toys would be gone”. I felt horrible and even worse when his great grandmother called and said he told her what I said and that I was being too mean and she couldn’t stand seeing his little lip quiver. Talk about wanting to crawl under a rock. We have our good days and our bad days…lets hope they remember the good ones.
No worries…he’ll survive and is less likely to pinch his sick sister again.
my thoughts: a good mommy is one who wants the best for her kids and keeps trying to teach them how to be good people (right vs wrong, respect, responsibility, etc.).
A good mommy is someone who keeps looking at herself to see if there’s a better way to help teach her kids. Somedays I have yelled, spanked, pinched, placed ‘em in time out, sent them to bed early, took their toys away, talked to them down on their level face-to-face. Somedays I’ve done all of it in one day. If you feel you have this parenting thing down cold & you are a “perfect parent”, then you’re the mommy/daddy that worries me. No one is perfect & no one does everything exactly right all the time.
We’re human, we lose it sometimes. We feel bad/guilty. We may blog about it. Some people do it, but then deny ever having done anything like this before. And frankly, a small pinch to get a kid’s attention is really not that bad & hardly rises to the level of child abuse. But, the good parents are the ones who review things & say “maybe it wasn’t the best thing , but it’s what happened”. Admit it, review it & maybe figure out a different way next time. Then again, maybe not. Maybe it was the right thing at that time. Good parents keep trying & acknowledge that we don’t have all the answers, but we try to do our best.
Good luck on the journey Alison. I think you’ll do fine as a parent. And judging from the posts about your kids other actions, they seem to be pretty darned good kids already.
I stumbled upon your blog a month ago and have been a daily reader ever since. I love it. We all have bad mommy moments whether we admit to it or not. This blog is comforting to me and let’s me know I’m not the only one. I’ve never commented on your site, just a happy visitor that reads about your daily happenings. BUT after reading “Happy Dianes” comments I felt obligated. Seriously, what a $;$(&:$;&/-@ . I would imagine, as others have said, that she does not have kids….if she does, boy do I feel bad for her evil spawn. She’s sounds like a lonely, bitter lady that needs to get laid!
Thanks for sharing your life with us….it really helps all of us mommies out here!
Okay, Allison, all I can say is that I feel really left out that we haven’t hung out yet! And, clearly, Diana doesn’t understand that of which she speaks. I’ll leave it at that, though it is very, very difficult to do so.
Anybody raising children has had their moments of pure joy and pure chaos…sometimes simultaneously. We have moments we are proud of and ones, well, not so much. You are not alone, but you know that. I am pretty sure L would get along with my boys….for his humor and his outbursts.
As for Diana, she is hardly worth the feedback. I feel far worse for her than for you, for L, for L’s arm, or for poor little S. She has no “getting better,” no getting over it. Soon after this moment described everybody was likely fine again but Diana, not so much!!! Sucks to have a miserable life!
Awesome blog keep it up!
Coming from a childhood were things were done in a pissed off mood (& maybe to hurt a little) I can say that I don’t agree with the pinch at that point. If it was done by a calm parent as a teaching I would feel different about it. And yes I am a parent to a 2.5 year old that at times is far from an angel.
You just made my day!!!! I’m so glad there’s someone else like me out there (puts away the guilt for today)
Am I the only one who read the nasty comment as satire at first? I kept waiting for the punch line. It’s funny that she should have made reference to serial killers, though, because when I read this post, that’s exactly what I wanted to mention.
There is a book that many law enforcement professionals are required to read that discusses the psychology of taking a life – the mentality of soldiers in combat, for example – and which also discusses children who kill and serial killers. Not exactly light reading, ok, but enlightening. The author makes the point that violent video games desensitizes kids to violence because it allows them to “hurt people” without any risk of personal harm.
He says that although kids have played violent games for centuries (cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, sword fighting with sticks), there was always a point where one of the kids would get hurt, cry, and tell Mama, who would then stop the game.
He argues that the risk of physical consequences is actually what keeps kids from hurting other people. My mom told us when we were little, “If you hurt her, I will hurt you the same way, because you need to know what you are doing to her and how it feels.” If you watch maternal animals, they will often nip at their cubs or pups when play gets too rough.
My point is, I think you were acting more out of accurate instinct than temper, and that you went a long way to making L an even more compassionate person by pinching him the same way he pinched S. Not only do I think pinching him was justifiable, I think it was probably a very good lesson for him.
I was also waiting for the punch line. Turns out Diana was just a troll, not droll.
I love your blog. Seriously, it makes me feel more sane. And I have a confession: I pulled my nearly-three-year old son’s hair.
Every day he played with my hair while I changed his diaper (trying to potty train).
Every day he pulled my hair.
Every day I nicely said, “Don’t pull Mommy’s hair, it hurts.”
Every day he laughed and ran on his merry way.
Well, one day momma pulled his hair right back. His response, “Oh, that does hurt!” End of pulling momma’s hair.
WOW. I always wondered what that pledge thing was about, because up until today I had never actually witnessed the whole Mommy Blog Bullying thing. Allison – I really appreciate your honesty. We’ve all been there. It just flat out sucks when the kids don’t appreciate us more. My advice? You need to be a little more crazy. My kids are SO grateful when I’m not pulling out my hair and sobbing “WHY ME???” that they never sass me anymore. Hang in there honey… it gets better. Unless L really does turn into a serial killer, in which case, send him to Diana’s house for a sleep-over.
This made me laugh out loud while I was trying to inconspicuously check my comments on my phone while pretending to pay attention. Note to self: never read anything The Bearded Iris writes while trying to be inconspicuous. Or while drinking anything.
Been there – done that. Try not to think about it too much or you’ll drive yourself crazy. And re. the wacko comment – WTF?! Nevermind social services – if I were you I’d be calling the men in white coats. Crazy lady.
Great to read. Really enjoy the change of pace and to know we are not alone out there!!!
love your blog!
check out turningintomom.com
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two wrongs dont make a right, but! I so find myself in these moments where “OMG! we have gone through this a THOUSAND times why do you not understand!!! and I snap back with a mouthy reply myself or slap on the hand.
Reminds me of:
Once is silly.
Twice is naughty.
Three times is a timeout.
And my two-year-old son adds: six times is a spanking. To which I say, we had better NOT get to six times!
So I have been catching up on past posts, since it’s slightly past mid-August now. Forgive me for not reading all nine hundred comments. I assume most of them are rational “I hear ya” type comments. Except for “Diana”. Wow. She’s had something awful happen to her, or she’s crazy. Or both.
You’re fine. L is fine. S is fine. This shit is normal. And you sometimes spank a kid whilst leaving your lips are the words, “don’t (smack) hit your (smack) sister!” Woopsy. Live and learn.
I’m a spanker. Not often, and always after I’ve used my bag of tricks and said rotten heathen has been warned that one more infraction of X nature will result in a spanking. Works great then.
Keep reminding us that we need to have our dark sense of humor, our ability and opportunity to vent, and occasionally take one for the team by giving up “mother of the day” to someone else. And fuck “Diana”.
My 4yo hit my 18mo in the face with a 3in think branch two weeks ago. In front of my face. Little ones black eye is just now healing. You can bet I wanted to pick up that branch and clock the 4yo in the head. Instead, I gave time out. When it was over I tol him to give his bro hugs and kisses. Instead he spit in his poor swollen face for “getting him in trouble.” Yeah, that night had early bedtimes and lots of wine…
I’ve done it, too. And for the same reason as you. My kid is 3 and I need to get my #$*! together soon, because he might have his “first memory” any day now.