I’m sure you’ve all been wondering about and losing sleep over L’s poop issues. I was going to write this great post about how he hasn’t had any Miralax for almost 2 weeks, and he’s been going, without that much of a fight, a couple of times per day with nary a pooped-in pair of undies to be tossed! I’ve been ruminating on this great update post in my mind for the last day or two.
Then just now happened. Just now is not a good mommy moment for me. It’s bedtime. The kid has gotta go. It’s obvious. He stands like he’s gotta go; he squirms like he’s gotta go; he smells like he’s gotta go. So, I tell him it’s time to go.
“NO! I DON’T POOP ANYMORE! I WILL HOLD IT IN FOREVER!!” Out of nowhere. Suddenly tears.
Next comes me trying reason, trying kindness, trying scary-serious voice, trying wrestling and finally giving up and picking the kid up, tossing him into his bedroom while saying (yelling), “Fine! Then you can go straight to bed with no books, no PJ’s, and no brushing your teeth! Your teeth will all rot right out of your head!” Door slams.
He’s upstairs now crying, “Get me out of here!”
I am the best.mom.ever. Anyone want some advice? Come to me! I’m sooooo good at this. I can’t believe that it’s actually my job to raise this child without entirely fucking him up. Clearly, I’m not capable of this.
Hang on, here he comes….
OK, it’s now 20 minutes later. L came down fairly calm. I asked if he was ready to go and he said yes and went. Then asked, “Are you so proud of me?” I told him that I was not. That I would have been proud if he just went in the first place. Mean, I know.
Well, now he’s in bed fully evacuated at least. I suck at this job.
Maybe it’s not that you suck at this job, but that it’s just so damn hard. Sorry you had a rough day, but I’m glad that evacuation finally occurred. Hang in there, Mama!
The whole pooping control thing with kids is enough to send most of us into padded cells. I feel for you, I do.
Who knows…maybe he’s spending the night contemplating all the ways you are right? Maybe he’s massaging his belly to encourage easier digestion because starting tomorrow he’ll be The Best In-The-Toilet Pooper Ever. Maybe?
I actually yelled once to my son, age 4 at the time: “you can’t just shit on the floor! AARGH!!”. This was not a strategy I read in some best-selling book. This was me, hating the glossy, stinky man-logs that overwhelmed my life for months on end.
I understand where you’re coming from, and if I could hold your hand in solidarity, I would.
LOL. I like the idea that he’s mulling all this over and he’s going to commit to better pooping. The poop thing has overwhelmed my life for maybe the last 9 months or so. I could not be more over it.
You are really making me nervous to start potty training! eeeeekkkkk. I feel for you, really, but I’m not going to lie…this post had me laughing out loud.
Cheers!
You are NOT a bad mom!
(and on that note- if Bob the Builder on replay so I can sit on the computer and read blogs is wrong…I don’t want to be right!) It’s a tough job sista, and that’s why we drink!
If it’s any consolation, this is not a potty training issue. L has been potty trained for over a year and a half. He potty trained extremely easily. His poop issues came on much, much later as a delayed reaction to S’s arrival.
Shit happens … eventually.
Can we just write off yesterday as a sucky mommy day for all and blame it on the heat? Honestly, I expected your post to be much worse when you said you suck at the job but hey, it worked. He came around and did what he was supposed to do. Maybe you were a little harsh (I comfort myself with these moments by reminding myself that he’s still too young to remember any of this although my girls are getting there so I’d better check myself), but I’m sure there are thousands of moments when you have maintained full patience when you wanted to pummel him. All in all, success is key and we all owe our kids a little f’ing up, right? Don’t they need something to blame all the crap in their lives on down the road?
You know I’m there with you, well, not anymore thank God, but I was and now that I know it can happen I am terrified. I never thought the act of holding poop could so disrupt an entire household, family, schedule…my one tip, if you’d to it, is pantyliners. When Anna was sharting up all her undies I bought a pack because I was so freaking tired of changing them 8 times a day. And sorry I said sharting.
LOL. No apologies necessary. What else would you call it? Pantyliners is such a great idea!
We’ve had the same issues now, for over 3 years. H is a little over 5 now. Things have been generally better (with the help of daily Miralax) for the past 3 months, but today was not good. I yelled, “I am not the poop police!” And I wish that were true but I AM the poop police. I keep track of what she eats, when she goes, when it seems she has to go. I hate it.
OMG, for over 3 years??? That is terrifying to hear. I’m so sorry. You deserve a medal, a vacation, a spa
dayweekyear.This post is so timely…just this morning I was saying to my husband that our almost 3 year old must have something logged in his intestine because he will have a week every month or so where he will not go poop unless we give him a glycerine suppository every 2 days…even Miralax and/or Exlax won’t work!…which by the way, is what our 6 year old is still on daily…yes, I have 2 constipated ones in my house! Oh well, at least now I am reminded (just as my pediatrician has told me) this is a common issue!
We had the opposite problem today, my daughter shit in her diaper, while evading a nap. She, then, took off the diaper and flung it over the baby gate. In the meantime she managed to get poop on herself, her toys, her bed and ground into the carpet. So, mommy got no naptime AND had to clean up poop. I cleaned her up, after calling my husband to talk me out of drinking too heavily, and plopped her in front of Elmo so I can surf mindlessly.
I not only suck at this job, I really don’t like it at all.
My condolences for your day. BTDT and it sucks. You may now commence drinking.
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