When I was a kid my parents embarrassed me. Constantly and on purpose. I grew up believing that it was a parent’s right, nay job, to embarrass their offspring. So, now that I’m a parent, it’s my job too, right? Well, it turns out I’m still learning that life isn’t fair. Because I’m still the one being embarrassed. This time by my offspring. My evil genius, L.
He’s embarrassed me in so many ways. Opening bathroom doors when I’m, well, not ready. Talking about indelicate topics in front of other people (“My nipples are small, and so are daddy’s, but mommy’s are big!”) Or, my favorite, throwing a complete tantrum because I would not buy him a training bra. That’s right. A training bra.
Here’s the scene: Target, tween girl section. A huge display of training bras in a myriad of attractive pastels. Think a wall of Easter eggs. But soft and silky, lightly padded (wtf?) and smooth. L heaven. He wanted one. Bad. He walked up to the display wall as if in a trance. Arms outstretched. He touched every bra he could reach. “They’re so soft and pretty. Can I have one, Mommy? Pleeeeaaaaaase??” I hear some snickering from somewhere behind me. “No, L, I’m sorry, you can’t have one of those. Those are training bras and they’re for big girls, not 3-year-old boys.”
Fast forward about 8 seconds. L is now on the floor screaming. He is kicking everything in sight. Between the shrieks and sobs he is saying the following things: “I want a training bra!” “I am a big girl!” “I don’t like you, Mommy!” “Training bra!” “Training braaaaaaaaa!”
I now have the attention of all Target shoppers. Most think it’s pretty hilarious, and really, I do too and would certainly have enjoyed myself if this were someone else’s kid. But it was mine.
It’s OK though. I have a plan. I will win this one in the end. With just a little patience, I will have the last laugh. See, I’m storing this memory for future use. It’s a weapon. My embarrassment at the time will be nothing compared to his when I feel the time is right to retell this story. To a group of his friends? To his girlfriend? His future in-laws? All the guests at his wedding? Time will tell when it will come back out. It all depends on how well L treats me from here on out.
At last! I will have the last laugh! Revenge will be mine! (Rubbing hands together, maniacally laughing.)
Wow, I never realized a training bra would be fascinating to anyone but a tween girl who was about to get one. Silly me. I have been educated!
I vote wedding story. When you have this moment, just think of the mother’s curse. Say it instead of counting to ten at these moments…
Wedding for sure! Can you imagine the stunned look on his face & the huge laugh that would follow. I would make sure the hubby had the camera ready too, priceless picture with a great story too!
Too funny! Save it for prom night.
okay I’m in tears now. Thank you for the comic relief!!! I have two little boys and I thought I was the only one with stories like this
I vote the first time he brings his gf around,,, everytime he brings a new gf over LOL Ah just tell the story every chance u get LOL
Tears streaming down my face laughing (and considering myself lucky that my 18 month old boy is so far still amenable to leaving the sparkly shoes at Target…)
I know I’m kind of late, but my little sister (who was 8 at the time and didn’t need one) was obsessed with having a training bra. So my grandmother, well meaning as she was, went out and bought a few for her. My sister would come out to greet me from the bus in a training bra and pants. Kids man…
My sister was a sexual assault and family violence counselor, and she early on taught my daughter the word “vagina”, which my daughter frequently got confused with the word “swimsuit”…I thought I was going to die when we stood in line at Target, with her shrieking, ” I WANT A NEW VAGINA!!!” at the top of her lungs. Sheesh. Can’t wait until I’m an old lady and I can return the favor someday…
OMG. That is awesome. Vagina and swimsuit are not a likely pair for confusion. Lol.
I recently stumbled upon your blog and decided I needed to read it from the beginning. Thank goodness, because I would have missed out on awesome posts like this one had I only read recent posts. It seems you and I have a very similar outlook on parenting, and this post only solidified it. I also can not wait for the day when I can torture my children for all the hell they have put me through already in their short lives.
THat would have been time to whip out the smart phone and video tape the tantrum,being sure to get enough of his words on tape for future use. It would be make the impact of your story so much better when he’s 18 or 20!!